Intercontinental Bathhouse of Balamb
by monsterquaff
Summary: What MAY happen after Ultimecia is defeated
1. Default Chapter

Intercontinental Bathhouse of Balamb part 1

After the defeat of Ultimecia, Squall and his group return to the past. With no more sorceresses to defeat, they settle down in the comfort of Balamb Garden. Squall marries Rinoa (duh), Zell becomes a professional boxer, Quistis becomes the leader of Balamb Garden after Cid passes away, Irvine opens a dating service, and Selphie opens the Intercontinental Bathhouse of Balamb. Our story begins 1 month after the faithful day when Ultimecia went Kaboom.

"Good Morning guys" said Squall coming into the Intercontinental Bathhouse of Balamb with Rinoa.

The whole gang is already there at their usual weekly get-together. Selphie is making pancakes, which Zell is viciously swallowing. After a long and grotesque consumption of these pancakes (among other things) Zell gets a serious case of nausea and goes into the toilet which is the most comfortable, sanitary and extravagant toilet in the world (compliments of Selphie).

"Again?" Selphie was getting annoyed of Zell using her best toilet for diarrhea.

"So what's up guys?" Quistis asked

"I heard that the new Deling city pres is crazy."

"Yea, I know he bent on world destruction"

"That's wrong"

While Selphie and Quistis were conversing, Rinoa is talking with Squall about what they are going to name their kid. All their names sucked like Squoalla, Rinnal, Squa, and Noall. At that very moment, the new president of Deling walks into the room. Everyone give false bows to him. The president pulls out a gun and shoots Irvine in the stomach. Irvine falls obviously in pain.

"Arrest these men" the president commands his guards.

When Squall resists the guards bring in a huge beast. It is bigger then Omega Weapon and Squall and the others (Except Irvine, who is in pain, and Zell who was taking a dump) start to fight it. Rinoa quickly pulls out of the fight as she goes into labor.

"Try to find a weak point" commanded Squall as he began using lionheart.

"I don't see one." answered Quistis after using scan.

"Great" yelled Squall.

At this point the monster let off a huge explosive. Selphie redirected the attack with wall after which the explosive flew into Zell's stall. The stall exploded and Zell came out furious.

"That was the most disgusting thing anyone has ever done. That toilet was great. You're going down."

Zell instantly limits and attacks unsuccessfully at the beast. At this point Rinoa's baby comes out and Zell seizes the opportunity and grabs the baby, sets it on fire and throws it at the beast. The stench of burning baby and crap K.O the beast, which falls in pain and dies. Rinoa starts weeping for the loss of her baby and Squall comes in to comfort her.

"What have you done Zell?" yelled Squall.

"You wanna fight Squall? I did what was best." answered Zell

Just as they are about to duke it out, a large wet fart is heard and Zell, obviously the constipated man who made the fart, runs into the nearest stall from which large groaning sounds are heard.

The president sees he is defeated. He begins to run out the door. Irvine who is still lying on the floor in pain, grabs his shotgun and shoots the president first in the crotch, then in the butt, then in the head, and as the final revenge right into the stomach.

While the president died his punks still escaped vowing to get revenge on Zell.


	2. The intercontinental toilet of Balamb fi...

Intercontinental Bathhouse of Balamb finale

Where we last left off Selphie was the last person standing against a large group of former Deling bodyguards. She just began searching for her The End ability.

Unfortunately, when Selphie finds The End she accidentally decides to "do over". Rinoa, realizing Selphie is in trouble, stands in the way of the guard's fire and gets continuously bashed by shells. She falls down K.Oed.

After this Zell also sees Selphie in trouble and after the effects of the gas wear off he too stands in the way of the incoming fire.

After Zell, Squall wakes up and continues the action he was doing before he was knocked unconscious which was protecting his monkey. Quistis too wakes up and continues to lecture Squall on how to better protect his monkey from Irvine's very inaccurate throws. When Irvine wakes up he finishes his throw and throws the lard that he was in the middle of throwing at Squall's monkey. Unfortunately his aim, as Quistis mentioned, sucked so he accidentally hit one of the Deling guards in the head. That guard continues shooting uncontrollably as he is falling unconscious and hits one of the other Deling punks.

At that moment Selphie finds The End and casts it. Right in the middle of casting it she is hit by the fire of the second Deling guard. Her aim is disoriented and she accidentally hits Rinoa's baby. The baby leaves the current dimension and blows up in the other dimension. It turns out the baby was the Ultima baby which was made by a mix of Squall's and Rinoa's genes. With the explosion of the baby the dimension, which the baby was in, got destroyed. After destroying the first dimension the explosion comes to Squalls dimension first destroying the island of Balamb, then all the continents, and eventually the whole universe.

The last words heard by anybody were Selphie's.

"Tee-Hee WHOOPSY" she yelled and the world went Kablooie.

The End


End file.
